i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
