yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
