So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am available for nakedness
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
