Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
