and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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