i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
