My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
