she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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