She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
