I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
