I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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