But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
