She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
