If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
