remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
