Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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