i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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