She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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