If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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