We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
