Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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