becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
