Define "chronic" masturbator.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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