He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
