I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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