He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
