Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
