I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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