i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Found the puke drawer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
