woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
