We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
soo... how was my night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
