Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Randomize
