Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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