I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
