Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
