im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
