It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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