i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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