I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
