I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I enjoy the company of your penis
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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