I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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