cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
