i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
