good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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