some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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