I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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