I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This house was built for laser tag.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
