I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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