i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
