I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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